


Infinite

by badwolfofbakerstreet



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cas has anxiety, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Did I Mention Fluff, Drabble, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I'm lame, M/M, Oneshot, SO MUCH FLUFF, sort of, space talk, what college student doesn't though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-14 23:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8032777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badwolfofbakerstreet/pseuds/badwolfofbakerstreet
Summary: Cas has been working a bit too hard lately, so his dorm mate and best friend, Dean, decides he needs to get out to enjoy himself, because he doesn't belong there, cooped up in his dorm, studying.





	Infinite

The shelves of the library were in desperate need of dusting. Their leather bound editions were coated with a thick layer of the gray substance; so thick that Castiel coughed as he pulled one down from the top shelf. He watched the particles float through the air, catching the light as they fell to the floor to gather on the ground, to be tracked elsewhere. He coughed once more, effectively clearing his throat of the menace.    
  
The book in his hands, the one that was worth all the trouble and allergies, was a first edition of an old Oxford history book. He had a project due in a few hours and hated computers, the library was his main resource. He loved roaming up and down the aisles in search of that one spine that would send him into another world unlike his own.  

This book wasn't a fantasy, nor was it an adventure, but it would transport him through time; he would learn from it, and that was the next best thing to being transported through works of fiction.  

He adjusted his glasses on his nose as he zig-zagged his way back to his table, tucked away in the back of his favorite place. No one bothered him there, the loudest voices were nothing but hushed whispers. Occasionally the librarian would bring him hot tea, and he was the only patron allowed sustenance. He was trustworthy.  

He made it back to his seat and began digging through the book in search of the one bit of evidence he needed to cite in his work. His paper was almost finished and he would be able to prove his argument with this one book.  

"How's it goin, Wells?" Castiel's ears perked up at the familiar voice and he glanced up at his roommate, Dean, who'd obviously come to distract him. In the few seconds Castiel allowed himself to look away from his work and at Dean, he became fully entranced with green eyes and full lips. Dean had gelled his hair up that day in an effortless style and the smile he wore was an easy one. Cas almost sighed at the beauty before shaking it off and averting his gaze.  

"Why is it whenever I'm doing a history assignment, you call me Wells?" Castiel asked, admittedly not understanding many of Dean's pop culture references. He came from a very restrictive home, and while he loved to read, he had yet to come across a book by Wells about history.  

"H.G. Wells? The time machine? Any of this ringing a bell? No? Didn't think so." Dean sat down across from Castiel and tapped his fingers atop the desk, "Take a break, Cas. Come get lunch with me."  

"Mary was nice enough to bring me some cookies she baked with her sons earlier today. I'm good." 

"You can't trust a woman who bakes in the morning."  

"Why not?" 

"You just can't." 

"I fail to see how the time of day she bakes the cookies effects their flavor or her trustworthiness..." Castiel pondered for a moment before he scoffed, "See, you're distracting me. Go! I'll catch up with you later."   
  
"You spend your whole life with your face inside a book, you're going to miss out on a lot of things you wish you hadn't,” Dean said, but Castiel didn’t answer, nor did he look back up from his book, Dean sighed, “Cas, I-" 

"Dean, please,” Cas interrupted, finally looking up at his roommate again, who smiled at the eye contact, “This is an important assignment. It counts for-" 

"20% of your grade, yeah yeah, I know the spiel. Save me. I'll see you later." Dean sat for a second longer, though Cas looked back to his work, he could still feel Dean staring at him. With a sigh he stood and Castiel was alone once again. 

Cas sighed to himself and hesitated in his sentence, his lettering became disconnected at his halted word and he blinked slowly at the white surface in front of him. He wanted to go with Dean so badly, but he couldn't allow himself the distraction from his assignment. He needed a good grade, he needed to get into a good enough grad school, and he needed to make his father happy. Dean had distracted him the previous semester by way of dragging him to parties and generally having too good of a time when he should have been studying. His grades weren't terrible but his GPA dropped from a 4.2 to a 3.9 and his father had given him a harsh talking to about wasting money. Deans GPA sat at a 3.5 and he was happy with it; Cas could never let his own get that low. 

Without further hesitation, he continued his sentence. ￼ 

* * *

Castiel closed the door of his and Dean’s shared dorm room quietly, expecting Dean to be sleeping as it was well past 11 PM and a weeknight; as he closed the door, however, he saw Dean sitting on his bed, feet up, jacket on, patiently waiting. 

"Dean-" Cas said, but Dean was up in an instant, throwing Cas' trench coat at him.  

"Come with me." 

"Where are we going? It's a Tuesday-" 

"Neither of us have class tomorrow, you don't need to study, odds are you finished your project and are going to spend the day critiquing it anyway, so come with me instead. You deserve a break, you've been crazy tough on yourself this semester." Deans eyes were alight with mischief and something else, and Cas was letting himself get lost in their wonder.  

"I can't, my father-”

"Screw your dad, Cas. Live a little. Break the rules." He walked to the door and opened it, staring at Cas and waiting for him to follow. Castiel sighed and turned, setting his books down on his bed, he put on his coat and followed a grinning Dean out the door.  

They reached Dean's Impala and climbed inside, the familiar scent of vanilla and gasoline invaded Cas' nostrils and he closed his eyes, smiling. It had been too long since he allowed himself a little fun. Dean started the car, the rumbling sat low in Castiel's belly, he pressed his back against the seat as he buckled his belt and let the calm take over him.  

"Where are we going?" Castiel asked as they turned onto the main road from the campus. The silhouetted trees passed his vision and the street lights seemed dimmer than they should have been. The small amount of light that was being cast into the car and across Dean’s face made him look more beautiful than usual, and Castiel caught himself staring, though Dean’s smile told him that he didn’t care. They stared at each other, it was their thing. Dean looked at Cas a bit too long before finally looking back to the road; he’d never admit it, but it always made Castiel a bit squirmy when he did that. His foot pushed into the floor, looking for the brake, as was habit whenever he found himself in the passenger’s seat of the Impala.

“It’s a surprise.” Dean gave nothing away and instead clicked on the radio, classic rock filled the car, he didn’t turn it up too loud, it was enough to fill the comfortable silence that sat between them. They needn’t talk of anything, they were best friends, they knew everything about each other, and if Cas started talking about his assignments, it would send his anxiety sky rocketing. He adjusted his glasses again, deciding finally to take them off as they were beginning to bother his ears.

“Do you even need those things?” Dean asked, his voice a low hum against the tenor notes of AC/DC.

“Not really, they’re just for reading. You know I get a headache if I wear them for too long.” Castiel’s reply was light and happy, he needed to get away from school. The farther away they drove, the happier he felt.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, you look great in them... You just, look more like yourself without them.” Dean chanced a glance over to Cas before quickly looking back at the dimly lit road. Old headlights weren’t great when it came to lighting the way, but the car itself had a comfortable, homey feel that couldn’t be beat by any new model. He ran his hand over the material of the car door appreciatively and hummed into the silence. As he stared at his hand where it rested against the door, his eyes blurred momentarily, he blinked it away and when he looked back, there was a cut on the back of his hand. He blinked again and it was gone.

“Cas?” Dean broke Castiel out of his concentration, “You okay?”

“Huh?” He said, looking from Dean to his hand and back again, “Oh, yeah. I’m fine. But uh, yeah, about what you were saying-”

“That you look more like yourself without your glasses?”

“Yes, I suppose you’re correct, seeing how you met me while I was without them. Others who met me while I was wearing them would say the opposite. Like the librarian.”

“Well if I’m being completely honest, Cas, this whole getup doesn’t really suit you. If you wanna talk about how you were when we met, this life doesn’t suit you. You don’t belong here.” Dean’s voice faded in and out as Castiel watched the road pass him by. They had to be about twenty minutes away from the school. He could open the door while the car was moving and jump out. He’d only be a little injured. He could run back to school and dive into his bed. He could hide under his covers and never come out. Then he looked back at Dean who was staring at him, waiting for his response, and he knew that Dean would turn around immediately and chase after him. He’d never leave his side.

“Mm.” Was all he said in response and he looked away from Dean back to the road. Dean huffed beside him and they drove on.

It was late when they arrived wherever it was Dean had taken them. He’d pulled into an open field and parked in the middle of it. There was nothing around them but flat land for miles. I a few trees were sprinkled here and there, and Cas could sort of see the highway if he squinted past the dirt road they’d driven up to get there.

“What are we doing here?” Cas climbed out of the car and closed his door behind him, Dean followed suit. He breathed in the fresh air and looked up at the stars above them. They were bright and vivid, he could almost count them if he wanted to. He remembered trying to do so in his youth. He always stopped around a hundred something.

“Just thought you needed a nice relaxing night out, under the stars. Some fresh air will do ya good, kid.” Dean smiled as he walked around to the trunk and opened it, pulling out a case of beer and a blanket, he walked to the front of the Impala, tossing the blanket on the hood, he climbed up. Castiel followed tentatively.

“Don’t call me kid, I’m older than you.”

“Not by that much.” Dean shrugged, opening his beer with a satisfying release of air and taking a swig. He handed one to Cas, who accepted it and stood before him awkwardly, “You can climb up too, this isn’t a Winchester only spot.”

“Right.” Cas did as Dean said and climbed onto the hood beside Dean. The other man sighed and leaned back against the windshield, one arm behind his head to support his neck, he looked up at the stars, taking occasional sips of his beer. Castiel did the same, though he found that once he started looking up, the beer in his hand was all but forgotten.

The infinite stretch of space before him always made his mind race; he longed to know what stardust felt like as it passed through is fingertips. He often wished that he could reach out and pluck a star from the sky, if only to examine it more closely. He was enthralled by it, a reason why he was minoring in astronomy. Space made him feel bigger, limitless, like anything could be achieved; which was opposite for most people. They usually told him that space made them feel infinitely tiny, that’s what Dean had said at least. Dean was the only person with which he could divulge his deepest feelings. He supposed he was lucky to have someone who he could trust with the innermost parts of himself. He smiled as he glanced over at his best friend. Dean was already staring back.

“Are you happy?” Dean asked, breaking the comfortable silence between them.

“Right now? Or in general?” Castiel knew his true meaning. Was he happy with his life, with school, with the pressures he had to endure at the hand of his father.

“Whichever.” Dean shrugged and tossed his bottle aside, reaching down for another, he twisted off the cap and raised it to his lips. Cas knew he’d have to drive home that night.

“I-I, want to say yes,” Castiel said, though his own answer surprised him. Because in this moment, here on the hood of the Impala with Dean at his side and the infinite possibilities of galaxies before him, yes, he was very happy; but when he thought about returning to the dorm, to a confined life of reading books and studying for exams, and going home to see his family, he cringed.

“But?” Dean urged him to continue, Cas hadn’t realized he stopped talking.

“Right, I, uh... I want to say yes, because right now I’m very happy. But again, I am always happiest when I’m with you, Dean.” Castiel winced internally at his admission, but Dean’s smile soothed his fears and he continued, “Though I know the moment we return to school, the dread will set in.”

“So let’s not go back.” Dean offered casually, as though he was suggesting they go grab some food. Cas eyed him warily, Dean looked back at him, and he could see that his friend was serious.

“Are you kidding?” Castiel exclaimed, sitting up, “I would cease to exist if I didn’t return, my father would find me, wherever we went, and murder me, then go back to his golf club and putt another 18 holes.”

“Cas-”

“No to mention, we’d have to go back to the dorm to grab our things, and heaven knows I’ll freak out at least a dozen more times before we do that-”

“Hey-”

“My mother would cry, she’d be so disappointed.”

“Castiel.” Dean interrupted Cas’ freakout by placing a hand over his own two shaking ones and squeezing, “Stop, man. You’re freaking me out with your freak out.”

“Sorry.” Cas sighed and turned one hand over, allowing his and Dean’s fingers to lace together. It was a comfort that they only allowed themselves whenever Cas started to have an anxiety attack, “You just, you know how I feel about being a disappointment.”

“I do, and man, you gotta know that you aren’t one. You always try your best, no matter what, for the betterment of yourself and your family and those around you.”

“You always see the best in me, Dean. Thank you.” Castiel sighed and squeezed Dean’s hand, lying down, but not letting go; Dean followed suit.

“Do you ever get the feeling that you belong somewhere else, though?” Dean’s voice was soft, it felt comfortable, Cas blinked up at the stars in contemplation of his response. Had he ever felt that way?

“Every day.” His answer was honest, to his own surprise.

“Really?” Dean’s tone was one of surprise, he sat up and turned to Cas, who remained lying back against the car, still staring up. Dean had yet to let go of his hand.

“I often feel as though I should be among the stars, though I know that if I were all alone up there, I’d miss you, and others.” The last addition was added hastily so as not to make Dean think he’d miss only him.

“I could go with you, to the stars.” Something about that statement made Cas look at Dean, his declaration echoed through Cas, clenching somewhere in his chest, he breathed.

“Dean-”

“But you gotta come back, man.”

“I don’t-”

“You can’t stay here.” Dean was pleading, his eyes watering, his hand squeezing Castiel’s, his thumb worrying over his knuckles, “Please, just, wake up, man.”

“I am awake.” Cas frowned as he looked into Dean’s eyes, they were searching for something. Suddenly Dean didn’t look as young as he had before, there was scruff on his face and bags under his eyes as though he hadn’t slept in days. There were worry lines on his forehead and a bruise on his cheek. His hair was even different than what it had been before, it was shorter, more of a high and tidy. More military, this Dean was a soldier.

“No, you’re not. This isn’t real.” He pulled Cas up into a sitting position and brought their joined hands to his chest, “None of this is real, none of it. You’re in a Djinn dream right now, man. We killed the thing, but you won’t wake up, and-” He choked on his words and seemed to falter slightly, “I can’t be here much longer, man, the spell is waring off, clearly. You gotta come back to me. Come with me.”

The image of Dean in front of him was beginning to flicker, to fade into nothing. Cas gripped his hand tighter, his heart hammering away in his chest, panic was starting to settle in.

“I can’t be here if you’re not here with me.” Castiel said and Dean let out a sob before the weight that once held his hand was gone and Cas was left alone on the roof of the Impala in the middle of a field, in the middle of the night, in a world that wasn’t even real.

“I want to go home!” Cas shouted up at the sky, at the stars he was admiring just a few moments before, “I need to go home!” He whimpered as he hopped off of the hood and fell into the grass. His hands gripped the green blades and he ripped them out, chunk by chunk, deciding that if he could tear his false world apart, then perhaps he could return to wherever it was Dean said he would be. Wherever the real world was, that’s where Dean would be, and that was where he would be happy.

His breathing hitched as he realized the hands that used to be smooth and unmarred were suddenly aging before his eyes. There was a scar on his palm that, though covered by dirt, was rather apparent. His eyes widened and he ran to the car, looking into it’s window to see that he wasn’t as young as he knew himself to be, the bags beneath his eyes were more prominent, his hair longer, messier, if that were even possible.

Cas turned to look around him, he wasn’t in a field anymore, but in a garage. The Impala seemed to be right at home around the other vintage cars and he felt as if he were at home as well. He stepped forward, and his world went black.

* * *

He blinked, the world around him slowly coming into focus. The first thing he noticed was the plain, dim ceiling above him. He remembered, shortly before passing out, that he was no longer outside. The stars would not be there to calm his nerves, to pull him from his sleep. His arms felt heavy at his side, and his neck was stiff when he tried to turn his head to look at the person he could feel beside him.

Cas was vaguely aware of the hand in his own, the fingers intertwined with his. He looked down and followed the arm up, wincing slightly at the pinching and blinked, willing the sleeping form beside him to fade away as it did in the field.

Dean was still asleep, his head resting on one arm that was folded over the arm that was lying on the bed, the one with the hand that was attached to Cas’. He tried to speak, but could not find his voice, his throat was raw, clogged with who knows how many days of sleep. He cleared his throat, Dean sprang up to a sitting position. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and blinked down at Cas, their eyes met.

“Cas, hey, hey Cas.” He slid forward, off of his chair, falling on his knees beside Castiel’s bed, “You’re awake.” Cas nodded in response and cleared his throat again, “Oh, yeah, hey, let me get you some water-be right back!” He, seemingly reluctantly, withdrew his hand and hurried from the room. Castiel redirected his attention to the ceiling, searching for imperfections that he could count. He’d reached twenty by the time Dean returned with a bottle of water and a bunch of other stuff.

Dean shoved one hand beneath Cas and helped him sit up in the bed, arranging the pillows behind him so that he could sit up easier. Castiel was surprised by how weak he felt, how long had he been asleep? Dean opened the bottle and tipped it back against his lips, it felt like heaven against his irritated throat.

“How long was I asleep?” He asked, Dean rubbed the back of his neck, sighing, he sat next to Cas again and reached out for his hand. Castiel gave it willingly.

“Week and a half, just about. Doesn’t seem like a long time, I know. But it was damn scary. Sam found the spell two days ago, it took us a while to get it just right, we even asked Crowley for help with some of the ingredients.” Castiel’s eyes went wide and Dean held up his free hand in surrender, “I know, I know. But it was important.”

“You dealt with the King of Hell, for me?”

“Course, Cas. You’re important.”

“Were you surprised to find what my djinn dream included?” Castiel could feel a slight tinge of embarrassment, his perfect world was attending college with Dean as his roommate.

“Nah, man. It was great, actually. I got to get away from the real world for a little while. I was surprised to find myself there. I was gonna knock myself out and hide me in a closet, but he evaporated the moment I approached dream me.” Cas cocked his head to the side in slight confusion, but Dean continued, “But, uh, it was nice. Relaxing, kind of. I liked that Charlie was there, almost made me want to stay too. If I got to be with two of my favorite people. Plus baby. Toss up was the lack of Sam.”

“You would have seen him during the holidays.” Castiel shrugged and smiled, “I was planning on going home with you for Thanksgiving.”

“Right on man, I was gonna ask, but-” Dean stopped short, his hand gave Castiel’s a slight squeeze, Cas furrowed his brow in confusion, “What does all of this mean, though?” Castiel didn’t reply, he merely continued to stare at the hunter, confused.

“I mean, the fact that your perfect world was centered around you and me spending every day together in practical bliss. What does it mean?” Cas squinted down at their hands, Dean’s gaze followed, he was unsure of what Dean was asking and it wasn’t until he felt the hunter’s fingers fitting their way beneath his chin to lift his head that he began to imagine he could be insinuating something that Cas never dreamed possible.

“Cas?” He asked, ducking his head so that his eyes might find Castiel’s down turned ones, “Do you-I mean-are we-” His words seemed to get stuck in his throat and Cas sighed, finding solace in Dean’s eyes he swallowed thickly.

“If you’re asking me whether or not I imagine a life with you to be a perfect one, then the answer is yes. If the two of us could run away and never look back, if we could forget our troubles and live happily with no more apocalypse’s or ultimate evil’s to challenge us, it would truly be perfect. I know, though, that to dream of this life is impossible.

“I also know, however, that I could live the perfect life here, in this bunker, for as long as you’ll have me stay. As long as I’m with you, and Sam, there is nothing more that I could ask for.” Castiel breathed in deeply after his long admission and awaited Dean’s response in nervous silence.

“Really? Nothing more that you could ask for?” He looked at Dean who was smirking slightly, refusing to meet his eyes. He was instead, staring at their intertwined hands.

“What else could I-” Dean cut off Castiel’s question as he slowly raised their joined hands and kissed the back of his hand, letting his lips linger on the skin there, before lowering them back down to the bed. He then reached forward and picked up Castiel’s other hand, giving it the same treatment.

Dean looked up finally, their eyes meeting in a gaze that was heavy with words they both wanted to say, “Nothing?” Dean asked again, Castiel swallowed thickly, his throat becoming scratchy again.

“When we were-” He cleared his throat, “When we were in the field, on the car, staring up at the stars, I started thinking that, maybe, there was more to us; that there could be more.” Dean slid from the chair to the side of the bed, “In fact, I thought maybe the years of unspoken tension would culminate in something that night.”

“Something?” Dean reached forward tentatively, his hand rested on Castiel’s cheek, he leaned into the touch, “Something like this?” Cas nodded and his eyes fluttered closed as Dean worried a thumb over his cheekbone. He felt the weight on the bed shift as Dean leaned forward and pressed his forehead into Castiel’s.

“I though I’d lost you, man.” His voice was barely above a whisper, “I couldn’t stand it if I did.”

“I understand.” Cas admitted, and he did. He couldn’t bare to lose Dean again. His nose brushed against Dean’s as the hunter pulled back slightly, his hand on his cheek pulling him forward just a bit until their lips met. It was brief, yet tender. Their foreheads met again as Dean sighed, his other hand found the other side of Castiel’s face and he pulled back, they opened their eyes almost simultaneously.

“Don’t get lost again, don’t, I don’t know if I’ll be able to find you.” Cas smiled at Dean’s worry and leaned up to press their lips together again.

“I promise.”

“Let’s go tell Sam that you’re up.” Dean moved to stand, but Castiel reached out to keep him there.

“Can we just lay here for a while?” He asked, Dean smiled down at him and nodded, opting to climb over Cas to get into the bed so he wouldn’t have to let go of his hand. They turned on their backs, their joined hands between them and turned their heads to face one another. Castiel reached out and ran his hand along Dean’s cheek, to his neck, to his shoulder, until he finally let it drop back to the bed. He could get lost in Dean’s eyes, the galaxies they held within their green irises. He felt safe, he felt at home, he was infinite, he was whole.

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of Supernatural Day! Here's a destiel ficlet! YAYYYYY!


End file.
